Conceit & Concealment: A Pride & Prejudice Variation Page 21

  Darcy lowered himself onto a wooden chair. “Close enough. Only one day, though.”

  “What is the matter? Is someone ill or in trouble?”

  Darcy shook his head. There was no point in disguising it. He needed Richard’s advice. “No. This is woman trouble.”

  With a low whistle, Richard said, “I think you had better tell me all about it.”

  “You may be sorry you asked. It is complicated.” As briefly as he could, Darcy explained his dilemma with Georgiana and the challenges Elizabeth had presented to him the previous evening.

  Richard listened without interrupting. When Darcy finished, he said, “Well, I think your Elizabeth is right about one thing. It will not matter if there is gossip about Georgiana living with you. Good God, think of her mother and father. They survived much worse rumors, and most of them were true. In fact, I would argue that marrying her would cause even more damaging gossip – that you had taken advantage of her impressionability to further your own ambitions.”

  “But I have no desire to be her consort!”

  Richard held up his hand. “I know. I believe you, but others may not. The bigger question in my mind is why you think you have no right to marry the woman you love. What is holding you back? Is it her lack of connections? Is she unpresentable? After all, when this is all over, you will either be dead or in line for a peerage, so her connections hardly matter.”

  Darcy groaned. “I do not want a peerage for doing my duty.”

  Richard laughed, but with sympathy. “You ought to have considered that before you saved the life of the heir to the throne.”

  “Spare me!”

  Despite the early hour, Richard produced a bottle from under his bed. “Jamaican rum. I developed a taste for it. You look as though you could use it.” He poured a small amount of amber liquid into a cracked glass and handed it to Darcy. “I know you never wanted glory for yourself. But what of your family, of knowing your father and mother would be proud of you? My mother would be thrilled to have you made a peer, and I wonder if my father may not have had it in his mind to put one of his own sons in the place that has fallen to you. He was ambitious for the family, even if you are not.”

  Darcy took a cautious sip of the rum. “What is your point?”

  “That you could bring honor and glory to the family name and be a power at court. You care for your Elizabeth, but she would have been a poor match for you even before this. Does your pride revolt at the idea of moving from rubbing elbows with royalty to marrying far beneath you? Can you see her as your duchess, or would your pride get in the way?”

  Elizabeth had made the same accusation last night, and he had dismissed it. Now Richard, who had known him all his life, had raised it again. He did not want to think of himself as looking down on Elizabeth, but her life in Meryton had been a curiosity to him because it was so different from his own. He had been attracted to her against his will, even when he saw it as conflicting with his duty to Georgiana.

  No, that was not it. Once, long ago, his pride in his station might have made him disdain Elizabeth and her family for their low connections, but after having to humble himself so often to the French, there was little of that pride left.

  In Meryton he had ached to make Elizabeth his, but he had known it could never happen. Georgiana’s secret had to be kept at all costs. In Meryton Elizabeth had been lively and teased him. When he had been hunting for Georgiana and her after their disappearance, he had imagined how joyful she would look and how her eyes would sparkle when he found them. But when he did, she was always either angry at him or keeping a distance, and her teasing and flirtation were reserved for Kit.

  Whatever had been building between them in Meryton, he had destroyed it when he told her the truth about Georgiana. He had blamed himself for taking her from her family, but that was not his true regret. His true regret was that it had made him lose her, leaving an aching pit of grief inside him.

  “No,” he said abruptly, hardly aware that he was speaking aloud. “Her station in life does not stop me. It is that she does not want me now.”

  “That is hard to believe, given your discussion with her last night.”

  Darcy shook his head fiercely. “That is different. She would marry me because she has no other choice. When we first met, she liked me, at least when she was not furious at me for being a traitor. I could see joy in her eyes. Then I turned her life upside down by asking her to help Georgiana, and now the joy is gone.”

  Richard took a sip of rum and rolled it around in his mouth before answering. “And what have you done to bring the joy back?”

  “How?”

  “The usual. What does she like? Jewels? Pretty dresses?”

  Her sister, who was out of her reach. Bluebells, which were out of season. Puppies.

  Puppies.

  ***

  After a night of poor sleep, breakfast had little appeal for Elizabeth. Calming Georgiana had not been difficult, but afterwards she had forced herself to face facts. Her feelings for Darcy were not going to lessen, and whether it was because of her family and low connections or that his feelings for her simply did not run deep, Darcy was determined to remain available to marry Georgiana. There had never been much chance he would change his mind – hardly any chance, in fact – but now she had to admit there was no hope.

  Her head ached. Even the delicious hot chocolate served every morning tasted dull and hard to swallow. But it was the morning of her pre-arranged fortnightly meeting with her uncle, so she found the wherewithal to put on her spencer and walk out to Hyde Park.

  Mr. Gardiner was waiting on his usual bench and greeted her with a warm smile, but after he had passed along all his news about their family, his expression became increasingly concerned. “You seem out of spirits. Is anything the matter?”

  “Oh, nothing of significance,” Elizabeth said quickly. “I have no reason to complain. After being frantic with worry over both my family and Mr. Darcy, and being solely responsible for keeping Georgiana’s spirits up, you would think I would be delighted now that everything is fine and there are three other people to share the burden of entertaining Georgiana.”

  “But you are not delighted?”

  “No.” She scuffed her half-boots on the gravel underfoot. Could she keep him from guessing the true source of her distress? “Oh, some parts are lovely, like having Mr. Darcy’s library to explore. But I still feel the emptiness. Georgiana cannot bear the idea of my leaving, and she reminds me every night of my promise to stay with her, but she does not need me any longer. She prefers Kit’s company to mine, and her aunt gives her more instruction in how to be a lady than I do. I never thought I would miss mending clothes and carrying tea trays to the stable. Even when I lived with you, I helped with the children. Now I cannot even distract myself with writing letters, since no one must know where I am, and that makes me miss my family and friends even more. You must think me the most ungrateful creature alive.”

  “I might, if I thought loneliness and boredom were the worst you suffered. But I can tell there is something more. You only get those dark circles under your eyes when you have not been sleeping. What is the matter? Has Mr. Darcy or his brother tried to take advantage of you?”

  Ready tears rose to her eyes, and she brushed them away fiercely. “No. Nothing like that.” How could she tell him it was the exact opposite?

  “Then what is it? Tell me the truth, Lizzy. I am worried about you.”

  Scuff, scuff, scuff. “No one is trying to hurt me, I promise you.”

  “Lizzy.” There was a warning tone in his voice.

  “Oh, very well, if you must know,” she said, half resentful, half relieved. “It is sheer foolishness. I have feelings for Mr. Darcy, and he sees himself as promised to another lady. It is hard, and there is no way out of it since I have nowhere to go. I am completely dependent upon him.”

  Her uncle patted her shoulder. “I am sorry to hear it. I had hoped he might make you an offer, since he effect
ively took you from your family. Does he know how you feel?”

  She kept her eyes on the path. “I believe so, and he is not without feelings of his own, but he remains set in his course.”

  “Perhaps I should speak to him. It was through no fault of his, but you were compromised by his behavior. He has a responsibility to you.”

  “No! He already knows that, but he has a similar responsibility to the other lady. And I do not want him to offer for me simply because honor forces him to it.” Becoming one more of Darcy’s many responsibilities would be soul-crushing.

  “Are you certain? If he has feelings for you, he might be glad of the intervention.”

  She shook her head. “He is perfectly capable of making the decision for himself. If only I could leave him behind! Lady Matlock has said that someday she will take a house for herself, Georgiana, and me, but I do not know when, or if, it will happen. And I am too much a coward to go to Scotland when I have a warm bed here. I thought of trying to find a position as a lady’s companion, but Georgiana insists she needs me. I have not sunk quite so low as to attempt my other idea, which is to ask Mr. Darcy for money to pay for nearby lodgings for me. But I fear it will come to that.”

  “I can help you a little,” said Mr. Gardiner.

  “Do you know what lodgings in this neighborhood cost? The rent is astronomical. And it would only be fair for Mr. Darcy to pay; after all, he is responsible for my circumstances. But it would make me feel like a kept woman, even though I would not be.” She released a ragged breath which was closer to a sob than she would have liked.

  “Have you spoken to, er, Georgiana about your dilemma? Perhaps she would be more willing to let you go if she knew how much it is costing you to remain.”

  “I cannot do that. Pray do not ask me why; I assure you it is quite impossible. And it is all foolishness anyway. Almost any woman in England would happily trade places with me and accept all this luxury and comfort in exchange for a little heartache.” She did her best to sound light-hearted, but she doubted her uncle would be convinced.

  He frowned. “I am not happy about it, but at present I can think of no better alternative. And there are certainly advantages to retaining Georgiana’s affections. But if the situation becomes intolerable, you must tell me. Send a note to my office. No need to sign it; I will know who it is from.”

  “You are very good to me. I cannot tell you how much comfort it gives me to have this one small contact with my old life. Although I am sorry to be a worry to you.”

  He laughed. “Do not think twice about that! You have given me an opportunity many men would die for – the chance to help a certain someone in her time of need. It may not make a swash-buckling tale to tell my grandchildren how I bravely sought out lodgings for you, but you may be certain I will be proud of it all my life. And I owe that to you.”

  She sighed. “You are right. I forget that this is a privilege, too. I spend so much time convincing myself she is no more than a rather demanding young girl who is not yet out that I almost forget it is not true. I should try harder to recall why I am doing this.”

  It did help to have a greater purpose.

  ***

  Elizabeth’s headache that afternoon made her want to hide in her room, but instead she gathered her courage and asked Lady Matlock for some private conversation. “I wondered if you had thought more about your plan to take a house for yourself and Georgiana. I do not think I can remain here much longer.”

  “I am not surprised, my dear,” said Lady Matlock. “Your conversation with Darcy last evening did not appear pleasant.”

  Elizabeth shook her head and immediately regretted it as the motion exacerbated her headache. “It was not.”

  “I am sorry. I can raise the question to Darcy again. Georgiana does seem less dependent on Darcy, but she has unfortunately attached herself to Kit instead. It would be better to remove her from here. I would prefer to see her getting to know Richard.”

  “Your son?” What had he to do with anything?

  “Yes, although that is not why I chose him. He is the only man who knows her identity and is not believed to be her brother. He is not an ideal choice for her to marry, but there is no other choice.”

  Elizabeth’s chin dropped. “You wish for her to marry him? She is far too young, and they do not even know each other.”

  Lady Matlock folded her hands together with a sigh. “Elizabeth, if Georgiana were to die tomorrow, who would become King George’s heir? The true heir, that is, not Prince Jérôme who was appointed heir by Napoleon.”

  Elizabeth sucked in a breath, momentarily forgetting her own distress. “Her cousin. Princess Amelia’s son by Jérôme Bonaparte.”

  “Precisely as Napoleon planned it. If his nephew becomes the true heir to the throne, the cause of independence will be well-nigh lost. Georgiana may be too young in many ways, but she must have children as soon as possible to protect the line. For that she needs a husband. If I could march her to the altar tomorrow, I would do it.”

  She could hardly believe her ears. Lady Matlock wanted Georgiana to marry Richard Fitzwilliam? “But your son, not Mr. Darcy?”

  “My dear, the rebellion is years off and, with it, the time that we can declare William is not her brother. She needs an heir now. Besides, William is a fine man, but he would make a poor Prince Consort. Richard is not ideal, either, but he will manage it, if he lives long enough. I rather imagine that once the fighting begins, Richard will be in the midst of it.”

  Elizabeth struggled to remember the little she had seen of Richard Fitzwilliam. She had been too focused on Darcy, Lady Frederica, and Lady Matlock to pay much attention to him. Why had she never considered that he could be a solution to the problem of Georgiana’s reputation? Perhaps because she had not known at first that Darcy had a cousin, and she never rethought the plan afterwards.

  But it could change everything for her. Or it might prove her worst fears: that Darcy would not offer for her even without the pressure to marry Georgiana. Or did he know about it already? “Have you discussed this with Mr. Darcy?”

  “Not yet. He has an unfortunate tendency to be sentimental about Georgiana, no doubt because he was so young when he took charge of her.”

  Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. “Sentimental? I would rather have said ‘at wit’s end.’”

  “Therein lies the problem. Georgiana is a pleasant girl, and I would certainly prefer for her to be happy, but first and foremost she is the means to an end. England needs her. If that means she must bear her first child at sixteen, so be it. Darcy, though, would be worried about her happiness. We do not have that luxury.”

  “Could she not marry Kit instead? She might be better pleased with that.”

  Lady Matlock shook her head. “The marriage must be legal for the heirs to be legitimate. No one will agree to marry Georgiana Darcy to her brother Kit, and we cannot take the risk of changing her identity again, not when the French are hunting for a disguised princess.”

  “I suppose not.” Poor Kit was not going to take this well.

  “But this does not solve your problem. I will give it some thought, and perhaps I will discover a solution.”

  Elizabeth hoped it would be soon.

  Chapter 13

  Elizabeth heard the front door open as she was practicing a duet with Georgiana. The easier part, of course, since Georgiana played far better than she did. And today she played even worse than usual because of her distraction.

  Darcy had not returned home the previous night. He had sent a message to Georgiana saying that he had to attend to some important business out of town. What sort of business could take him out of town? Thinking of it made Elizabeth’s stomach turn.

  After their quarrel, Darcy had dined out and left before breakfast the following day, so she had not seen him at all. She had waited on tenterhooks all the previous day to see how he would respond to her. But he did not return home to dress for dinner, and he stayed out all night. How much more of an an
swer did she need? She had cried herself to sleep.

  And now he might have returned. Elizabeth’s fingers missed a note as she strained to hear the rumble of his voice. By the time she had found her place again, the sound of footsteps on the stairs indicated he did not plan to join them as he often did when he heard their music. He must be avoiding her.

  Georgiana looked at her oddly, and Elizabeth quickly returned her attention to her playing. “Sorry,” she whispered.

  But her concentration was shattered, so at the end of the duet Elizabeth retired from the instrument and left Georgiana in sole possession of it. Instead she joined Lady Matlock in providing an audience for the girl, though she was barely listening to the music. Darcy could not avoid her forever.

  A few minutes later Darcy, his hair damp, bounded into the room. Bounded? Kit was the one who bounded into rooms, not the proper Mr. Darcy. But this time he had definitely bounded in. He stood by the hearth, his elbow resting on the mantle.

  Now that he was finally before her, she was suddenly afraid to know. What if she saw only distance and coldness in his expression? Her heart pounding, she forced herself to look at him.

  And saw nothing. Although a slight smile curved his lips, all his attention seemed to be fixed on Georgiana’s performance. Quickly Elizabeth looked away. She did not want to be caught staring at him like a lovesick girl. Disappointment stabbed at her. She should have known better.

  Finally Georgiana finished her piece. Darcy applauded and said, “An excellent performance. Very moving.” Then he added, “Miss Elizabeth, would you care to join me on a walk through Hyde Park? It occurs to me you have been deprived of your rambles in the countryside during your stay in London.”

  She could not believe her ears. Before her muddled brain could put together a coherent response, Lady Matlock said, “What a lovely idea. The fresh air will do you good.”

  “I would enjoy that very much, thank you.” Her voice did not even tremble.

  As she fetched her bonnet and parasol, she reminded herself not to let her hopes rise. After all, she now knew he was free from having to marry Georgiana. But he did not, and she could not be the one to tell him. That would seem like a demand.